You know you could do better

I’m having difficulty deciding what I want to do. No matter what time I sleep, I wake up shortly after five in the morning. It sucks.

I lie in bed for over one whole our trying to decide whether I should get up or whether I should sleep some more, and the latter is very hard to achieve! Sleep used to come to me so easily. All I had to do was lie in bed and think of something nice and sweet, and off I’ll go, deep into sleep.

Now this seems to be impossible. And what sucks is I don’t know if I should talk about it. I feel like I want to fast forward everything in my life and see where I will be, not in the cliche ten years but maybe in  two or just one year. 

I’m constantly disappointed in people, friends and family and colleagues and everyone, it’s annoying how I keep setting high expectations, ie keep disappointing myself more and more.

I lost my ability to wriite anything. I don’t know if I should be working at the newspaper anymore. I blame it on things that happened at work, at how people come and leave every other month and how they don’t know how to criticize a stupid piece of writing. But I shouldn’t blame it on that. I always took my writing as something personal, why does it have to effected by this shit?

Every morning I wake up and promise myself that this will be my new beginning, that from now on I’ll forget all the crap i’ve done and start anew, and every morning I get disappointed.

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